


A Job For the Men

by Pipsquek13



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is gentle, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cigarettes, Fire, First Meetings, Funny, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Implied Relationships, Keith smokes, Mother Nature - Freeform, No Sex, Pansexual Lance (Voltron), Pidge is a scientist, Pidge is slightly insane, Please read, Spiders, They're all a bunch of babaies, but still cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8054350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pipsquek13/pseuds/Pipsquek13
Summary: Lance has a little pest problem in his new apartment, that gets a little out of hand, so he goes to his new neighbor. Hilariousness ensues.Everyone is friends, but Lance is new. I got this prompt off Tumblr. But its amazing. I promise.Its kind of a prequel to another fan fiction, but they both can totally be read on their own.





	A Job For the Men

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so this is my second individual fan fiction, and it really hasn't been edited yet, cause you know... school. I wanted it get it out there though cause its great. There may not be sexy times, but its funny as hell, I promise. As usual, if you see any grammar or spelling mistakes, please let me know!  
> Hope you enjoy!

Keith leaned against his balcony railing, enjoying the night and the taste of his cigarette. Blowing out smoke, he watched it curl upwards, relishing in the silence. He took another drag…

...as a high pitched scream shatter the silence.

Choking on the smoke, Keith started coughing heavily, and decided that was the sign to stop. He put out his cigarette out in the ashtray and headed inside. Cursing the screamer between coughs, he got a glass of water, finally suppressing the coughing. He had just put the glass in the drain basket when he heard an urgent knock at his door. 

_ Who the hell would be here at this hour? _ Either way, Keith knew he should answer it, and opened the door. 

There stood his new neighbor, of which he had seen quickly the other morning, and was so stunned he had choked on his coffee. The man’s tan skin and brown hair glowed in the moonlight, and his blue eyes were brighter than he thought possible. He stood only and inch or two taller than him, but Keith felt dwarfed by his presence.

He hoped his gulp wasn’t audible. 

“Howdy there new neighbor I’m Lance by the way since you probably don’t know my name but you waved at me the other morning and seemed nice enough so could you please help me and kill the giant spider in my kitchen? I’ll gift you with food in return.” 

The man, or Lance, spoke quickly, and Keith hardly caught what he said. He  _ had _ understood enough to be unable to smother a quick snort in time though. 

Lance’s face flushed, and he started rambling on about the spider, how it was  _ huge _ , like the size of a bird. Keith put his hand on Lance’s shoulder _ *Oh my god his shoulder was so broad.* _ and stopped him. 

“Hi Lance, I’m Keith. I’ll kill the spider for you. Especially if you give me food. No one can turn down that offer.” 

Keith replied in a relaxing tone. He took his hand off the now silent, but smiling, Lance’s shoulder  _ *Dear god, this man is too attractive.* _ pushed up his sleeves and began rolling up the newspaper that had been sitting on the table next to the door. Keith put on his tough guy act. 

“Now show me to this spider.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10:25. Hunk had gotten a call from Keith, who lived on the floor below him. Keith always seemed pretty calm, collected, when he wasn’t angry at least. So Hunk instantly knew something was wrong when Keith was practically screaming into the phone. He ran down the stairs and into the new neighbor’s - Lance’s - apartment.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10:30. Coran received a call from Keith. It had sounded urgent, but Coran could hardly make him out over the screaming and the clanging. Coran, who did not own a car, then ran the 5 minutes to the apartment building, and following Keith’s frantic directions, opened the door to the apartment to the right of his. 

Which is when Shiro and Pidge were called in. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10:50. Shiro could hardly hear what Hunk was saying. The conversation went something like:

“SHIRO!” *Crash* “THERE’S A GIANT A-” *High pitched scream followed by a bang* “-DER IN THE NEW PER-” *Another bang followed by three different pitched screams* “KITCHEN THE APARTMENT TO THE RIGHT OF KEITH’S HELP! *Ear splitting screams*

Which is where Shiro hung up and he and Pidge got in the car. 

11:00. Shiro and Pidge, still in their PJs, walked into Keith’s neighbor’s apartment to a sight they never thought they’d see. The apartment was a mess. Pots, pans, and every utensil available were strewn about the kitchen. Cabinets and drawers hung open, and the living room had been re-arranged strategically. Pidge and Shiro calmed walked to the other side of the couch. Hunkered behind the couch as if it were a barricade were the four boys - Keith, Hunk, Coran, and as Pidge deduced, Lance. Coran had a pot on his head and a ladle in his hand. Keith and Lance huddled together pressed against the couch, not daring to look over the ‘barricade’. Hunk had crumbled up pieces of paper surrounding him, and a pencil and fresh piece of paper in front of him. It looked almost like a battle plan. All four of them looked up at the couple. 

“Oh thank god you’re here!”

Hunk cried out and hugged Shiro’s leg. Pidge snickered behind him, and Shiro shot them a look. They took a little composed themselves, but when they did Pidge looked over the scene once more. 

“Okay. What going on?”

Hunk was blubbering so he was of no help. Lance and Keith just pointed in the direction of the kitchen in fear, staying huddled together. Pidge rolled their eyes and look to Coran.

“Well, from what I’ve discovered there is a humongous spider which has taken up residence in our new friend Lance’s kitchen. It is too fast to be hit by utensils, and throwing pots or pans at it has had no effect. Last time target was spotted, it was above the stove. ” 

Pidge sighed, grabbed a magazine lying on the couch, began to walk towards the kitchen, but Shiro grabbed their arm. 

“What if it’s poisonous? Let me take a look first.”

Pidge sighed, and rolled their eyes again, but let their boyfriend go first. Shiro slinked into the kitchen, every inch of combat training coming back to him. There above the stove was the spider. To Pidge it clearly appeared to be a common house spider, harmless to human, but it certainly was a bigger one. 

Shiro slowly moved close to the spider, and raised his robotic arm, prepared to strike.

But the spider moved first - a small movement forward.  

Shiro screamed, the highest pitch noise you’d ever hear out of the trained soldier, and jumped back, then ran behind the couch with the other boys. 

“Pidge! Be careful! It could strike at any moment!” 

Pidge broke out laughing. They couldn’t believe what wimps these “men” were. Sure, Pidge wasn’t a fan of spiders, but they certainly weren’t afraid of them. 

“Shiro, I’ll be right back. I have something in the car I’ve been saving just for this.

“It’s my time to shine.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Allura had been annoyed by the banging sounds coming from the apartment above her for about an hour now. But when she heard a loud banging going up the steps at 11:15 at night, Allura decided she had had enough. 

She stomped upstairs in her nightgown, ready to figure out why there was all this racket. 

What she saw certainly not what she had been expecting. Five men sat behind a couch, including her Uncle Coran, who had a pot on his head and was cheering on Pidge with a ladle in his hand.

And Pidge had pulled down their face mask, and lifted a blow torch towards a spider sitting on the wall above the stove.

Luckily Allura realized what they was doing before she hit the spider.

“Pidge STOP!”

Unluckily Pidge had already turned on the blowtorch. 

So when Allura startled Pidge, causing them to flinch, the blow torch then hit the curtains on the window above the stove. Which proceeded to light on fire. Allura was too preoccupied with the spider to notice. Scooping up the traumatized creature in her hands, she walked out the still open door and set it down on some leaves of the tree growing outside the building. 

“There you go little buddy. I’m sorry about what they did. They’re a bunch of idiots.”

All the while everyone still in the apartment was screaming as the kitchen began to burn. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Needless to say, the kitchen of Lance’s apartment had been ruined. Coran had used to pot on his head and water from the bathroom to put it out with the combination of the fire extinguisher Shiro had managed to find. But half the kitchen had burned by that point and the entire apartment had smoke damage. Pidge agreed to pay for the repairs. Luckily they made more than enough money at the lab where they worked. 

In the meantime Lance had to live with Keith. 

Neither of them seemed to mind it though. 

 

In fact, Lance never moved back out. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope it was as funny to you as it was to me. I appreciate every read I get, it boosts my self-confidence as a writer!


End file.
